My Challenge of "Giving It All Up To God"

Happy Tuesday my committed and amazing readers. First of all, I am so sorry I haven't been updating like I used to. My newest promotion with Chloe + Isabel has kept me extremely busy and I haven't had time to just sit and relax. I promise that will change soon.

For those of you that have read my faith based posts, you know where I've been on my journey to living my life as a Christian. I'm constantly growing and that's something I praise God for every day. This past Sunday, Josh and I attended a new church with our friends Trent and Analisa called The Flood at Hillsdale Middle School in Rancho San Diego. This church is a break off of another main church called College Avenue Baptist and also has another location at Kearny Mesa High School. Trent and Analisa had told us they loved the concept of being able to walk to church since it was local and invited us to join them. Josh and I were excited because we knew his sister and brother and law had also started attending this location and we wanted to see what the buzz was about. Side note: if we had been invited to do this a few months back, my anxiety would have kicked in and I would have been afraid of the unknown. I'll get to that more in just a second.

Being in a new and smaller environment was such an awesome experience. The Flood has the most amazing worship band made up of just four people and they played some of my favorite songs which immediately put me at ease. The pastor, Matt Hammett, gave an amazing sermon and I connected with the way he poured his heart out on the stage. I love seeing a pastor that is so in touch with The Lord and truly cares about how we take in the word. A few things he preached touched on a topic that I have been struggling with for a while: fully trusting in The Lord. When I first renewed my walk with God, something I struggled with was giving it all up to God. Josh and I were on the phone one night while he was in Montana and I was venting about an issue I was having when he said something along the lines of, "I know this may be hard, but the best thing to do right now is give it up to God." My immediate response was, "this isn't God's battle, it's mine." Looking back now, I laugh at myself for saying such a thing. Every day I wake up and go about my day, I notice that I've grown more in the past year than I could have ever imagined and i'm truly changing for the better. I now realize that if I want to live a happy and stress free life, I have no other option but to give it all up to God. I remember fighting Josh on his statement and him being so understanding and patient with me. It wasn't until recently that I began to understand what he meant. I am someone who gets anxious and impatient when it comes to the littlest thing and it's caused issues with people in my life. A feeling that goes hand in hand with those issues is paranoia which has to do with different life events I've gone through. Something that makes Josh and I very different is the amount of tragedy I've seen in my life. I've had family members pass away, I've witnessed friends make life changing decisions that have caused nothing but pain, and I watched my brother lose some of his closest friends in tragic ways within a span of two years, one being his best friend and someone my family loved dearly. I've gotten those phone calls no one ever wants to get and I cringe every time I hear about a tragedy in our home town, knowing the chances of them involving someone in our lives that we treasure and can't imagine life without. Those feelings are something you can't erase, but they are definitely feelings you can control and that God can help you get through. 

I've had multiple conversations with Josh about why I feel certain ways about certain issues and I swear they sound crazier every time they come out of my mouth. I thank God for giving me such a level headed man and one who doesn't get upset as easily as I do. A man that is so sincere in the way he speaks to me and a man that strives to see nothing but the good in people. I know that God placed him and all of the friends that came with him in my life to bring me closer to the one thing I've always longed for: a relationship with Him. While thinking about how I wanted to word all of this yesterday, I found myself making a vow to myself and God. I vow to release my worries and hesitations and ask God to help me through the constant paranoia that something bad is just around the corner. Just because I went through a patch of bad news every week, it doesn't mean that my life is going to be full of that pattern. The Lord gave me Josh, the friends I need in life to continue a relationship with Him, and a supportive family. All of those things add up to make a successful relationship with The Lord. The struggle is now within myself and it's something I will continue to pray about. 

Two things Matt said on Sunday that hit home for me.

"He is gentle and kind but he will challenge us if we follow his word."

The Lord is challenging my heart constantly and is asking me to have an open mind to what he puts in front of me. I feel it every day and it's definitely something i'm getting used to. Pushing me out of my comfort zone is something only He can do. 

&

"Found people find people."

I squeezed Josh's arm as soon as these words came out of his mouth. I feel so blessed to have someone to hold my hand during this walk with God and someone to challenge my faith and help me grow. 

Thank you to those you that allow me to type out my thoughts and are interested enough to read my babbling. It means the world to me that I have an outlet to share my deepest thoughts and stay true to what i'm feeling. I promised I would stay honest on this blog and I will stick to my word. I pray you all can respect that. <3

XO-

Riley